I just texted Eric and asked if he could go to Walgreens for toilet paper after work because that’s really the only thing we NEED tonight. I can get to the store tomorrow easily and not at 5 PM… but tonight, we need toilet paper. Besides, my grocery list isn’t very long:
- Deli turkey (honey mesquite; sliced super thin – one pound)
- Deli turkey (Cajun for Eric – half a pound)
- Beans (the kind with bacon!)
- Bread (for Eric because his has mold, and I’m probably close to needing a new loaf, too)
- Cornflakes (I still have a box, I think)
- Toilet paper
- Kitty litty (aka: litter because I like to keep a stock pile just in case)
The only thing we absolutely need is toilet paper because each of us has half a roll in our bathrooms, and that’s just not enough for poop monsters like us. Hopefully Eric will be okay with getting the toilet paper, so then I can just worry about picking up my car and getting gas in it. I just remembered that my birth control is ready for me to pick up, too, AND my new mouth guard. I won’t ask him to get my mouth guard because I’m pretty sure that has been ready for me to pick up for like 2 weeks now, but no one called me. So I called yesterday and the lady was like, “We didn’t know we were supposed to call you, but like yeah, it’s here at the front desk.” So I planned on going in today since they are either closed entirely on Friday or they close early (I can’t remember). I don’t necessarily need to use a new one quite yet, though, so I’m okay with keeping it at the dentist’s until Monday if I have to.
If Eric goes to Walgreens, though, he can get toilet paper and my birth control (it should be free). And then I can get my car, get gas, get Scarlett, go home and take a shower, and then relax for an episode of my show and then it’ll be meatloaf making time, but then relaxation again because meatloaf takes like an hour to cook. I just want to relax, dang it. There has been so much stuff that I’ve had to do and/or take care of lately… I am just ready for a break, like a full-on break.
Dealing with Illini Bank has been an ordeal in and of itself. I’m so tired of Joy and her complete lack of helpfulness. Hello, lady, you’re a fucking banker! You’re supposed to be nice to your clients to gain more business!! Apparently she’s super nice in person and over the phone, but I’ve been mostly dealing with her via email and she comes across as an unlikeable biatch. She constantly is needing things from me, but never telling me exactly what she needs – just telling me that what I give her isn’t what she needs. And she keeps losing things… I swear, I’ve sent my bank statements over at least three times – to her AND Mandy (her assistant who is actually super sweet). I thiiiiiiiink she’s got everything she needs from us, except for Eric’s Regions bank statement that should be available on June 27th apparently. Fingers fucking crossed, otherwise the closing will get pushed back and that’s just bullshit. I want my damn house, damnit!
I just texted mom right now and asked if she had heard anything about my car yet. I’m getting stir crazy here at work and Eric is off work in 2 minutes and I just want him to get toilet paper and birth control so bad, lol. Mom texted me back right now and said they just called and my car is done! I have no idea how much it will cost… but I’m prepared to be sad about it. So I guess mom is on her way to get me and I assume she will text me when she’s here. Then she’ll take me to Lauterbach and then I’ll pay and go to the gas station and go get Scarlett and go home!!!! I mean, it is early enough that I probably could go to the grocery store today… but I feel like if Eric goes, then it’s easier because otherwise, I’ll have to go to the grocery store AND Walgreens. He could just go to Walgreens now and I’ll do the grocery shizzle tomorrow, when there’s more time.
It is 3:30 PM right now, so I’m getting ready to call Eric shortly. He doesn’t always check his cell phone after work, so you never know if he’ll see my texts or not. If he doesn’t get them until he gets home, then he’ll be angry… he’s always angry about something, though… it’s really hard. But he DOES see how mean he is sometimes, and he DOES apologize for it and I think feel genuinely sorry… but it’s tough still. I’m always the sane, level-headed one, even though he’d say that he is… but he’s not, and I am… and it’s just really fucking hard sometimes, okay? I love him and I love us and our marriage, but he is such a difficult person… but for some reason, I am attracted to that sort of wounded soul. It’s the same reason I felt so complete with Jenn in my life because she is such a hot mess and I always had someone to take care of, if you will. That’s kind of my relationship with Eric, except we also have really amazing sexytimes.
Well crap, I just tried to call Eric and he didn’t answer. Perhaps his phone is on silent or he just hasn’t had a chance to look at it yet… we’ll see. I’ll try again in a couple minutes. It is 3:33 right now, though, so make a wish!!!!
We did a walk-through of the house last night and it’s not as big as I remembered, but it’s still super lovely. It’s more dated than I remembered, too, in certain regards. I had totally forgotten about the third, hidden bathroom! Lol. But it’s okay. There’s a lot to consider. Eric asked me if I had any concerns about the house, and at the time, I didn’t… but now I do.
Now I’m worried about space. What happens when we have more than one kid and thus need to move the older kid to a bedroom downstairs? That space will be Eric’s band space, so… I don’t really know where all that will move to.
I don’t like the master bathroom. There, I said it. I love part of it, but I hate how cramped the toilet/shower area is. That is a major problem for me. I mean, I could get used to it, I’m sure… but it just seems so… cramped! And dark! I’d need to put Christmas lights up around the ceiling or something for ambience. There are ways to make a bathroom a home, I guess. I’d probably just use the bathroom downstairs by the family room most of the time anyway. I don’t know. I guess it shouldn’t be a deal breaker.
Eric mentioned the yard was mostly dirt. It wasn’t just wet mud from the rain, but it was legit dirt. That’s going to be a humongous pain in the dick with the dogs. Additionally, the yard is on a hill, so that might suck. Since I won’t be the one in charge of (I almost typed vacuuming) mowing the lawn, it doesn’t really matter to me if the backyard is slanted and I sincerely doubt the dogs will care very much.
I don’t care for the deck. I don’t appreciate above-ground pools for some reason, so I don’t really want one. It’s not a deal breaker, I don’t think… but I need to look at it again.
Eric mentioned all the intercom speakers throughout the house. THEY ARE EVERYWHERE! SO MANY FREAKING SPEAKERS! But they don’t work. They’re all super yellow because they’re from the 1970s, and they didn’t really bother me… until they bothered Eric, and now I’m afraid they’re all I’m going to see. I guess maybe years and years down the line, we might have enough money to get the damn system functioning again, but I’d rather just rip them all off the walls. Can we do that? Can you remove those? It’s not hard to dry-wall over a hole… so… I’ll have to ask Eric.
Where would I put my treadmill? Right now, I’m thinking down in the room with the doorway that goes to the front yard. The room by the garage! But that room would have to become Eric’s band room if we ever have more than one kid (as I mentioned).
Thinking now – is the master bedroom even big enough for our stuff? I have a dresser, Eric has a dresser, and our bed is humongous.
I didn’t notice if there was a washer or dryer, but I’ll ask Eric if he did. If he didn’t either, then we’ll have to ask the realtor. That would be a big deal.
I was concerned earlier about fitting our family room furniture into the family room space by the fireplace because of those damn poles, but I figured it out – one of the chairs will go upstairs in the main room (aka: computer room, baby!).
There is plenty of storage down in the basement. There’s also that odd little room that I guess would be where my treadmill would go if Eric needed to turn the workout room into his band space. Good Lord, we have so much stuff. I wish this house had a full-size basement. Maybe my mom was right…
One thing my mom was absolutely right about is the fact that the house is not at all kid-friendly. The railings and banisters are everywhere! The extra bedrooms are mostly all downstairs, away from the master, so that’s not ideal when we’ll be dealing with sneaky-ass teenagers. But toddlers are going to be a disaster. We will need baby gates on either side of those stairs, going up the main level to the upstairs and down the main level to the underground and from the underground to the basement. SO MANY BABY GATES!!!
I don’t like that we’d have to walk through the middle of the house to get groceries to the kitchen. I am pretty used to the standard houses where the kitchen is usually the room that y’all walk into from the garage. But hey, at least the garage is attached and it even has that extra little basement. Jules and Matt spent roughly the same amount of money on their house and they don’t have as much space, it seemed. I don’t know, I was drunk when I was over there. I’m always drunk, and I hate it. Well, I’m never drunk at work, so at least I’ve got that going for me.
There’s no railing on the front porch. If those stairs get icy, people will most certainly die. I’m just sayin’!
Just noticed – there’s no entryway closet! But what about the coats?! Where will we hang our coats and winter crap?! Wait, there might be a closet right by the kitchen doorway area… I think I see one. I should have opened it.
It is a few hours later so I’ve had some more time to reflect. I looked at some other real estate options in the general vicinity that Eric and I are looking in. I found one really cute one in a neighborhood pretty close to Timily, but I drove by it at lunch and it is tucked away in a dated, tight neighborhood. It was not where I had originally thought it was. Plus, tons of cars were there. The two cars directly in front of me down Veterans and Old Jacksonville ended up turning into the neighborhood, and then they were sooooooo slow, and of course, they stopped at the house. I’m not sure if there was some sort of something happening there, but it was packed, that’s for damn sure.
So that one is probably coming off of my list because it’s not what I thought.
Plus, the entire time I was driving there, it felt wrong.
I love the Oakwood house. I love the name of the street. I love the little neighborhood, despite the fact that it doesn’t have sidewalks. I love the house number – 13! That way, I’ll still have part of Crystal Lake with me. I want to decorate the porch and put big, colorful, stone vases and flower pots out there. I won’t let anyone fall off and die – I’ll block it off with flowers!
RANDOM TANGENT TIME — I fucking hate dry mouth. It is the devil’s work, I tell you! I’m not sure why I always have it, but I do and it’s the legit worst. I know Wellbutrin gives it to me so horribly, but I have to take the Wellbutrin to fight off the side effects of the Prozac! And I need the Prozac for my crazy! So, it’s a conundrum.
Alright, back to the house. The more I think about the house, the more perfect it really becomes. I’ve started decorating it in my mind. But alas, I’m moving way too ahead of myself. Eric and I don’t even know what size loan we could get approved for.
Speaking of, we are meeting with a lady named Joy Guilliante today at 4 PM. (I made up that spelling of her name… I have no idea how to spell it.) That is precisely one hour and five minutes from now. I’d really like to get out of here ASAP so I can swing by home and take a shower real quick before we go. I’d like to look presentable… this is a big deal. I never went with Eric Meyer to the bank, so I have no idea what I’m doing or what to expect. I feel judged by our financial situation, and I don’t think we’re going to be able to get a loan THAT size, which hurts my feelings really bad. But life is hard and life is expensive, and even if we do get a loan… should we buy that house, or is it too expensive for us?
I hate how poor we are. I’d be okay if we had everything we needed, and then we saved, saved, saved. I don’t want to have to sacrifice cable, so I think I’d just get rid of Hulu and keep Netflix and cable. I’m keeping Amazon, too, only because I adore having an Amazon Prime account for the 2 day shipping and amazeballs deals I can get on there. It would be too much to get rid of that. But I won’t keep Hulu.
Basically, I’m having a lot of feels. Like, literally all of the feels. One minute, I feel all gung-ho about the house, but then the next minute, I’m backtracking and rethinking. HA! Story of my life!
But I really want this. And I honestly don’t think Eric and I’s financial situation will change very much if we waited a year before looking for a forever house. Maybe having next to nothing in my savings account will make me finally buck up and change my spending habits once and for all.
I could talk myself into it. I could talk myself out of it. And maybe, just maybe, that alone is why I’ll be okay regardless of what happens at the bank this afternoon. If it is bad news, then I’ll just pep talk myself that it was a bad idea to get a house right now anyway. If it’s good news, then we’ll see where life takes us. Either way, I know I will be okay so long as I tell myself to be.
Wow, I’m confusing myself.
I’m actually not sure if I’ll even have time to get a shower in anyway because Vickie is still here and is showing zero signs of packing up and getting the heck out! I shouldn’t leave if she’s here because, um, obvious town. BUT I WANNA!
Once the meeting with the banker is over, I’m running out to PJ’s real quick and Eric is going to band practice. I need to make cornflake chicken tonight for dinner to make up for the ass-foolery clown I was last night. I don’t do so well when I drink on a week night, especially on an empty stomach. But the walk-through went so well that vodka obviously seemed like the right celebratory thing to do… but then I just got stupid. It always ends in the stupids now if I drink. LAMESIES! I’m getting old… I AM old.
OH HEY VICKIE JUST GOT HER PURSE OUT! THIS IS ALL GOOD NEWS!
OH HEY VICKIE JUST ACTUALLY LEFT HUZZAHSIES
I might be able to leave here in roughly 5 minutes, make it home at 3:30, and… nah, I’ll shower after it’s over, unfortunately. There’s just no way I’d be able to make it. I mean, maybe if I left right now and sped a little bit, lol. I’ll make a hasty decision about it later, in the moment.
Anyway, I guess I’m going to start shutting down shop for the day. I’m so fucking nervous about meeting with the bank. You have no idea! Eric isn’t nervous, so that’s good. I made sure to print out a few pay stubs, and we have the house information. Ah, this is nerve-wracking, yo. I’m outtie.
And remember children, spice is the spice of life.
Earlier that day, I had been browsing around Facebook and I saw an article about the Smashing Pumpkins going on tour with Marilyn Manson this summer, and I got really excited because (1) I LOVE BILLY CORGAN DESPITE EVERYTHING; (2) Eric and I both enjoy Manson; (3) Eric and I need to go to at least one more Smashing Pumpkins concert to try to eradicate the terribleness of the last one we went to when we first started dating. Yes, that concert brought many amazing things for me (I got fucked under the bleachers of a sold-out rock concert) but overall, it was a completely negative experience and if I could go back and re-do everything, I would and I would do things so, so differently.
Anyway, I shared that article on my newsfeed and tagged Eric in it. The entire day passed and he didn’t like or comment on it, so I guess when I was drunk last night, I commented on it and just said, “Eric you are terrible.” I don’t remember doing that, so when I read the mean texts I got in the morning when I woke up, it totally threw me off because all I could remember was sharing the article and tagging my fiancé. I never expected the following texts:
I'd appreciate it if you would remove your post about smashing pumpkins. Don’t talk to me like that on public forums.” 12:51 AM
“That really pisses me off. If it’s such a big deal then you TALK to me. Don’t insult me or make up any trouble in paradise. The second you do that shit it sends out the wrong message.” 12:53 AM
“I know I’m overreacting. …..but we don’t want to lose face in the public eye sweetness.” 1:09 AM
“Plz don’t be mad baby…..When you get this. I love you." 1:29 AM
So naturally, I was totally confused. I ignored it and wrote him a note about how I didn’t realize sharing an article and tagging your significant other was on par with those annoying couples who write, “hi, I love you!” on each other’s walls constantly when they’re sitting right next to each other. I wrote that it wouldn’t happen again and I hope he has a nice day. I signed it <3 Mal instead of my usual <3 Mal/fiancée. I finished getting my things packed up and I walked out into the family room. I noticed there was a note by my spot on the couch (I’m turning into Sheldon Cooper), and it was handwritten and really cute, in purple ink and everything. It made me feel better, but I was still going to delete the Smashing Pumpkins article (and I did). His note read:
I’m sorry for the late night texts. I’m sorry I have this overwhelming feeling to try to not make it seem as though we do not have problems like other couples. I do not know why I am so hell-bent on holding a “perfect” image in public. I’m so sorry. I want you to be you no matter what. You are the most important person in the whole fucking world, and you are free to do what you want. I shouldn’t ever interfere with how you handle things… big or small. The only thing I know is that I need you and love you. So damn much, it’s unreal. Please have an amazing day. You are the most amazing person EVER!!!!! I LOVE YOU SO DAMN MUCH! Please have a good day. ILY. –Eric”
Hmm, well now I’m torn between being mad at him for overreacting to something so petty and being happy that he realized his mistake and was doing his best to fix it. He knows how much I love handwritten notes. He knows how much I appreciate apologies for things, big or small. I know he doesn’t like our business out in the public, and I agree with that completely… but I never post our shit on a public forum. If I was seriously ever angry with him, I would NEVER voice it on Facebook. I didn’t even post about my divorce and that shit was terrible. I’m glad he apologized, but I don’t know, man. I still feel ticked off on some level, and I’m hungry for scrambled eggs. I seriously always want to eat scrambled eggs… preferably the nasty powder kind from a box, because those are disgusting to look at but DELICIOUS to nom.
- Current Mood: pleased
TODAY SHOULD NOW BE THE OFFICIAL CAPSLOCK DAY IN MEMORY TO BILLY MAYS
Oh, you mean ‘Billy the Bear’?” he laughs, referring to his gay “bear” following. “I don’t discriminate. We run our commercials on Logo. It’s just something that’s out there. It doesn’t bother me. They’re my fans.
Billy Mays was a consummate pro, king of pitchmen, brought joy to everyone, inspired us to be great. He will be missed.
NOW THE HEAVENS WILL SHINE
Lego Billy Mays!
Fuck that Shamwow guy, Billy Mays is the king of the fuckin’ Zorbees.
God: "Billy, use your inside voice! Damn!"
Billy: "BUT WE'RE NOT INSIDE!!!!!!! I'M PRETTY SURE I SEE THE SKY OVER THERE!!!!!!! WHY ARE THE CLOUDS ORANGE?!?!?!?!?! DID YOU SOAK THEM IN KOOL-AID?!?!?!?!?!?! I'VE GOT SOME OXYVCLEAN IN MY TRUCK!!!!!!!! BRB!!!!!!!!!"
R.I.P. Billy Mays (July 20, 1958 – June 28, 2009)
May you stop having boring tuna and stop having a boring life in Heaven. Also, does this mean that TV stations will be non-stop running OxiClean infomercials sandwiched in between Michael Jackson videos in tribute?
Billy Mays Facts
- You know those guys who can sell ice to the Eskimos? Well Billy Mays sells ice to THOSE guys.
- When Billy Mays asks a clerk to break a $20 bill, he gets two $50s back.
- Billy Mays fired The Donald. In pre-production.
- Billy Mays can make Simon Cowell cry tears of beauty.
- Billy Mays interrupted Bill O’Reilly once, causing O’Reilly to profusely apologize for talking out of turn.
- Chuck Norris once tried to roundhouse kick Billy Mays. Before his foot even left the ground, Chuck was already on his first of three easy payments of $29.95.
- The GDP of Billy Mays is greater than the entire European Union. Before the recession.
- In 2006, a man in Arkansas accidentally hit the bass boost button on his home theater remote during a Billy Mays infomercial. We only know this because last December, a team of forensic experts dressed in radiation-proof suits had finished their meticulous examination of the blast crater.
- Narwhals wash their tusks with OxiClean.
- Billy Mays attributes the power of his on-screen persona to an incident during his teenage years when he accidentally ingested a Caps Lock key from an IBM PS/2 keyboard.
- Billy Mays talked Lindsay Lohan into playing for the other team.
- A Nigerian scammer once emailed Billy Mays. He is now on his 400th package of Mighty Putty.
- Chuck Norris and Billy Mays once had a beard-off. The winner was to get a bucket of OxiClean, and the loser’s penalty was to perform in an ultra-neocon radio show.
- Vin Diesel waxes his head with Liquid Diamond.
- Billy Mays sold a lifetime of pity and a warehouse full of fools to Mr. T.
- Mr. T once tried to throw Billy Mays. Instead of grabbing Billy, however, Mr. T found only a bucket of OxiClean in his hands. He immediately sought atonement through cleaning his gold chains.
- After hearing a Billy Mays infomercial, R. Lee Ermey reconsidered his own personal commitment to perpetually yelling.
- Billy Mays was the chief component of President Obama’s 2009 stimulus package until the Republicans demanded he be replaced with tax cuts for the stinking rich. Billy made out just as well.
- If you act now… hahaha, just kidding! Only Billy Mays has the power to compel you to act now.
- Not only did Billy Mays sell ice to the Eskimos, he also sold them the extended warranty.
- Billy Mays once sold pain to Chuck Norris.
- Joe Piscopo tried to outsell Billy Mays once. ONCE.
The best thing on the Internet:
A Billy freakin' Mays SOUNDBOARD!!!!!
- Current Mood: crushed
Wish me luck!!
P.S. This livejournal is FRIENDS ONLY. :)
- Current Mood: happy
- Current Music:Watching Sex & The City