Earlier that day, I had been browsing around Facebook and I saw an article about the Smashing Pumpkins going on tour with Marilyn Manson this summer, and I got really excited because (1) I LOVE BILLY CORGAN DESPITE EVERYTHING; (2) Eric and I both enjoy Manson; (3) Eric and I need to go to at least one more Smashing Pumpkins concert to try to eradicate the terribleness of the last one we went to when we first started dating. Yes, that concert brought many amazing things for me (I got fucked under the bleachers of a sold-out rock concert) but overall, it was a completely negative experience and if I could go back and re-do everything, I would and I would do things so, so differently.
Anyway, I shared that article on my newsfeed and tagged Eric in it. The entire day passed and he didn’t like or comment on it, so I guess when I was drunk last night, I commented on it and just said, “Eric you are terrible.” I don’t remember doing that, so when I read the mean texts I got in the morning when I woke up, it totally threw me off because all I could remember was sharing the article and tagging my fiancé. I never expected the following texts:
I'd appreciate it if you would remove your post about smashing pumpkins. Don’t talk to me like that on public forums.” 12:51 AM
“That really pisses me off. If it’s such a big deal then you TALK to me. Don’t insult me or make up any trouble in paradise. The second you do that shit it sends out the wrong message.” 12:53 AM
“I know I’m overreacting. …..but we don’t want to lose face in the public eye sweetness.” 1:09 AM
“Plz don’t be mad baby…..When you get this. I love you." 1:29 AM
So naturally, I was totally confused. I ignored it and wrote him a note about how I didn’t realize sharing an article and tagging your significant other was on par with those annoying couples who write, “hi, I love you!” on each other’s walls constantly when they’re sitting right next to each other. I wrote that it wouldn’t happen again and I hope he has a nice day. I signed it <3 Mal instead of my usual <3 Mal/fiancée. I finished getting my things packed up and I walked out into the family room. I noticed there was a note by my spot on the couch (I’m turning into Sheldon Cooper), and it was handwritten and really cute, in purple ink and everything. It made me feel better, but I was still going to delete the Smashing Pumpkins article (and I did). His note read:
I’m sorry for the late night texts. I’m sorry I have this overwhelming feeling to try to not make it seem as though we do not have problems like other couples. I do not know why I am so hell-bent on holding a “perfect” image in public. I’m so sorry. I want you to be you no matter what. You are the most important person in the whole fucking world, and you are free to do what you want. I shouldn’t ever interfere with how you handle things… big or small. The only thing I know is that I need you and love you. So damn much, it’s unreal. Please have an amazing day. You are the most amazing person EVER!!!!! I LOVE YOU SO DAMN MUCH! Please have a good day. ILY. –Eric”
Hmm, well now I’m torn between being mad at him for overreacting to something so petty and being happy that he realized his mistake and was doing his best to fix it. He knows how much I love handwritten notes. He knows how much I appreciate apologies for things, big or small. I know he doesn’t like our business out in the public, and I agree with that completely… but I never post our shit on a public forum. If I was seriously ever angry with him, I would NEVER voice it on Facebook. I didn’t even post about my divorce and that shit was terrible. I’m glad he apologized, but I don’t know, man. I still feel ticked off on some level, and I’m hungry for scrambled eggs. I seriously always want to eat scrambled eggs… preferably the nasty powder kind from a box, because those are disgusting to look at but DELICIOUS to nom.
- Current Mood: pleased
TODAY SHOULD NOW BE THE OFFICIAL CAPSLOCK DAY IN MEMORY TO BILLY MAYS
Oh, you mean ‘Billy the Bear’?” he laughs, referring to his gay “bear” following. “I don’t discriminate. We run our commercials on Logo. It’s just something that’s out there. It doesn’t bother me. They’re my fans.
Billy Mays was a consummate pro, king of pitchmen, brought joy to everyone, inspired us to be great. He will be missed.
NOW THE HEAVENS WILL SHINE
Lego Billy Mays!
Fuck that Shamwow guy, Billy Mays is the king of the fuckin’ Zorbees.
God: "Billy, use your inside voice! Damn!"
Billy: "BUT WE'RE NOT INSIDE!!!!!!! I'M PRETTY SURE I SEE THE SKY OVER THERE!!!!!!! WHY ARE THE CLOUDS ORANGE?!?!?!?!?! DID YOU SOAK THEM IN KOOL-AID?!?!?!?!?!?! I'VE GOT SOME OXYVCLEAN IN MY TRUCK!!!!!!!! BRB!!!!!!!!!"
R.I.P. Billy Mays (July 20, 1958 – June 28, 2009)
May you stop having boring tuna and stop having a boring life in Heaven. Also, does this mean that TV stations will be non-stop running OxiClean infomercials sandwiched in between Michael Jackson videos in tribute?
Billy Mays Facts
- You know those guys who can sell ice to the Eskimos? Well Billy Mays sells ice to THOSE guys.
- When Billy Mays asks a clerk to break a $20 bill, he gets two $50s back.
- Billy Mays fired The Donald. In pre-production.
- Billy Mays can make Simon Cowell cry tears of beauty.
- Billy Mays interrupted Bill O’Reilly once, causing O’Reilly to profusely apologize for talking out of turn.
- Chuck Norris once tried to roundhouse kick Billy Mays. Before his foot even left the ground, Chuck was already on his first of three easy payments of $29.95.
- The GDP of Billy Mays is greater than the entire European Union. Before the recession.
- In 2006, a man in Arkansas accidentally hit the bass boost button on his home theater remote during a Billy Mays infomercial. We only know this because last December, a team of forensic experts dressed in radiation-proof suits had finished their meticulous examination of the blast crater.
- Narwhals wash their tusks with OxiClean.
- Billy Mays attributes the power of his on-screen persona to an incident during his teenage years when he accidentally ingested a Caps Lock key from an IBM PS/2 keyboard.
- Billy Mays talked Lindsay Lohan into playing for the other team.
- A Nigerian scammer once emailed Billy Mays. He is now on his 400th package of Mighty Putty.
- Chuck Norris and Billy Mays once had a beard-off. The winner was to get a bucket of OxiClean, and the loser’s penalty was to perform in an ultra-neocon radio show.
- Vin Diesel waxes his head with Liquid Diamond.
- Billy Mays sold a lifetime of pity and a warehouse full of fools to Mr. T.
- Mr. T once tried to throw Billy Mays. Instead of grabbing Billy, however, Mr. T found only a bucket of OxiClean in his hands. He immediately sought atonement through cleaning his gold chains.
- After hearing a Billy Mays infomercial, R. Lee Ermey reconsidered his own personal commitment to perpetually yelling.
- Billy Mays was the chief component of President Obama’s 2009 stimulus package until the Republicans demanded he be replaced with tax cuts for the stinking rich. Billy made out just as well.
- If you act now… hahaha, just kidding! Only Billy Mays has the power to compel you to act now.
- Not only did Billy Mays sell ice to the Eskimos, he also sold them the extended warranty.
- Billy Mays once sold pain to Chuck Norris.
- Joe Piscopo tried to outsell Billy Mays once. ONCE.
The best thing on the Internet:
A Billy freakin' Mays SOUNDBOARD!!!!!
- Current Mood: crushed
Wish me luck!!
P.S. This livejournal is FRIENDS ONLY. :)
- Current Mood: happy
- Current Music:Watching Sex & The City